What have I done!!?

I've binged again, only this time it wont come up. I'm freaking out! It was peanut butter and chocolate chips. So good, but sooo bad!!! I don't know why I've stared binging. I did it yesterday too. Since I have no job at the moment I have lots of free time on my hands. This is not good for me. I get bored. And before, when I was bored I would eat. That is not an option anymore since I am on a 1000 calorie diet. I have to lose the weight by Christmas, when I see my mother (she felt the need to tell my husband that I was dangerously overweight). I've been sleeping in in the morning, till about 10 or 11, and working out in the morning on the days that I have run with my husband when he gets home from work. But lately, since we got back from our vacation, I haven't been tired, staying up late and binging. It doesn't help that I've been smoking too, and not just cigarettes. Its horrible to say, but it was easier the last few weeks, since I was stressed. It's like when I fall off the wagon I dive head first! I have to be more disciplined, more in control. I'm only 3.5 months away from seeing my anorexic mother. Not to mention I am off to Germany and Amsterdam at the end of the month for Oktoberfest! I love German beer!!! AGGGGGGGGGH! Downward spiral!!!